At 35 years old, seven feet tall and 450lbs, Walter Crunk (WWE star Paul 'The Big Show' Wight) stands out at St Thomas's Orphanage. So when he almost burns the place down, the head nun hooks him up with a luckless fight promoter (Mark Feuerstein) to earn the money for repairs. As their road trip begins, Walter's not much of a fighter. But after tussles with loudmouth dads, nasty bikers and a pro-wrestling bear, he's soon the hottest act on YouTube. Big Show, big heart, big wind problem.
Michael W Watkins
The Big Show
'Rowdy' Roddy Piper had a crack at it. Jesse Ventura and Hulk Hogan made a decent fist of it. The Rock was the last to truly nail it. But the tag team of pro-wrestlers hoping to make it big in the movies has grown so big that WWE has had to set up its own studio.
Now, tugging hard on the trunk elastic of his peers John Cena, 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin and Paul 'Triple H' Levesque, we've got the biggest of the lot: a walking, talking brick outhouse by the name of Paul Wight, better (and most appropriately) known as The Big Show.
With roles for such performers generally limited to playing comical galoots or gun-toting action galoots, Show Wight here opts for the former. Since he his fingers probably won't fit round most triggers, it's a wise move.
He's Walter, an orphaned man-child who gets his first taste of the outside world when his nun-run school is threatened with closure owing to his own knuckleheaded negligence.
At the same time, mixed martial arts promoter Eddie (Feuerstein) needs to find a prizefighting cash-cow to pay off a ruthless rival (veteran wiseguy Dennis Farina). He duly stumbles upon Walter. Or vice-versa.
With $100,000 up for grabs at a tournament in New Orleans, chief nun Sister Francesca (Wendie Malick) packs Walter off with Eddie, along with orphanage worker Mary (Melora Hardin, hottest employee of The Office US) to make sure that he brings back half the purse.
The road is strewn with incident, as Walter learns his fighting trade and squeezes toilet humour as far as it will go on a Greyhound bus.
Surrounded by seasoned pros Farina (Midnight Run), Malick (Adventureland) and Will Patton (as Eddie's dad), Big Show gets by on his natural amiability while the guff-and-tumble is made complete with a gratuitous girlfight in underwear.
Morally, it's about as convincing as the theatricals in a WWE bout; aside from steering clear of dodgy chicken, the message appears to be that salvation can be achieved by pounding your fellow men to pulp.
The Lord moves in mysterious ways.