When scarred Grecian megalomaniac King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) embarks on a bloody bid for power there's only a peasant warrior standing in his way. Selected by Zeus, Theseus (Henry Cavill) hooks up with visionary priestess Freida Pinto and a wisecracking slave (Stephen Dorff) to run a sword through Hyperion's plans. However, with the aid of the legendary Epirus Bow, the cunning king plans to hit back with the mythical Titans, who are incarcerated beneath a mountain. Boasting acres of rippling flesh, flexed bicep and butch dialogue, this comes unsurprisingly from the production team behind 300.
Greece is gripped in crisis...but this time it's not down to years of tax avoidance or the financial rigours of the Eurozone.
No, it's down to Mickey Rourke. He's King Hyperion, a walnut-noshing bad boy who's got his greedy eye on conquering humanity, starting in the land of sun-kissed debt-default.
Commanding a scarface army of ghouls, Hyperion makes the mistake of slitting the throat of the mother of handy peasant Theseus (Cavill) who - unknown to him - gets lessons in swordplay from Zeus himself (Hurt).
After taking Theseus prisoner, Hyperion banishes him to a salt mine where he meets Phaedra (Pinto), a visionary priestess who tells the sceptical Theseus if he lays his hands on the mythical Epirus Bow he could give Hyperion a sound thrashing.
However, Hyper also covets the bow...and plans to use it to unleash the fearsome Titans, who were incarcerated under a mountain after losing their struggle with the Gods.
Directed by Tarsem Singh (The Cell), this must have burned out a whole bank of computers to generate ravishing green screen visuals from heaving seas to incomparable sunsets.
Unfortunately, a silicon chip also appears to have written the dialogue and mapped out the plot, a rambling affair that short circuits the narrative and occasionally blows a dramatic fuse.
Often lurching into the sort of macho camp that made 300 such a pleasure (particularly down Old Compton Street) it appears the film-makers are courting aficionadoes of the homoerotic.
Still, the action setpieces are impressive (if you've got a strong stomach) with plenty of severed heads and one violent set-to between the Gods and Hyperion's hardmen that looks like a bomb has gone off in a blood bank.
It can get a little wearisome but if you liked 300 and have a hankering for leather codpieces you'll love this.