11:18am UK, Saturday February 23, 2008

Steve Hargrave, At the Oscars in Los Angeles

Hollywood is weird. I don't mean to sound rude, but around this time of year you can't help but just see LA as one big surreal dreamy nightmare.

Freebies up for grabs

And nowhere is it more strange than at the endless rather elaborate pre-Oscar parties. And the pre-pre-Oscar parties.

Basically, all the stars seem to be doing in the week leading up to the big day is having a party. And at some of them they get free stuff.

Yes, the rather unfair rule of fame goes like this: if you are famous and rich, you get stuff for free.

The rest of us, well we have to pay our way. In the days leading up to the Oscar ceremony there are a handful of parties where stars are invited to turn up, grab a big empty bag, then proceed to visit an assortment of market stands where they fill the bag with free things.

Traders wrestle to get a spot at these events, so they can give their clobber to a famous face in the hope the celebrity then tells everyone how great their products are.

An expensive example of 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours'.

So we walked around one of these events -and being journalists we weren't really offered anything.

But we gazed in amazement as a few apparent celebrities - who we couldn't really recognise - shuffled around and sold their soul to the devil.

Sitting on an electric moped and posing for photos, presumably on the understanding they'd get a free one.

Signing up for laser eye surgery, as long as they posed for another photo. Picking up a $4,000 tooth-whitening voucher - once they'd agreed to stand in front of a camera. You get the idea.

Suffice to say, the massive celebrities, who have the sense and money to carefully guard their image, don't tend to show up for these type of events.

So there was no sign of this year's nominees Daniel Day-Lewis, George Clooney or Julie Christie. But apparently some well-known ones do send their agents or relatives to secretly gather the loot on their behalf.

After talking to most of the stall holders we managed to fill a small bag with a bikini (not really my colour), a few pens, some eyelash conditioner, and a big ball of elastic bands. Obviously we just weren't famous enough.