Simon Cowell at Celebrity AwardsSimon CowellAnn Montini gives you the run-down on the world of soap operas, including all the golden oldies vying for a spot in ailing EastEnders, why Stella McCartney's an Emmerdale fan and how one actor's allergic to his character's tattoo...

Simon Cowell is bemused at Shane Ritchie's recent statement that the music-meister will be signing him up once he leaves EastEnders. Simon told me: "I said it more as a joke. To be honest, his selling power would be well down if he left the show, so no, I'm not planning to work with him in the near future."

To play Emmerdale's Andy, Kelvin Fletcher has to have the tattoo 'Katie Fever' tattooed on his right arm daily - but he's got an allergic reaction to the ink they use. He revealed: "I hate it, but I can never not have it done unless my character gets laser treatment. The fans would know!"

Ex S Club Seven star Jon Lee, who recently appeared in musical Les Mis, has secretly been seen for a role in EastEnders. He appeared in the show in the mid-Nineties prior to landing the S Club slot. Jon told my mole: "It's all top secret at present but fingers crossed!"

Talk about using a shoe-horn to make this guy a success - X Factor winner Steve Brookstein and mentor Simon Cowell are in talks with all the soaps to make sure he can land a cameo in one. Family Affairs have offered but Simon is holding out for EastEnders. He may have to settle for a sound-check on the cafe's juke box...

Fans of Emmerdale, Seth Armstrong should be back soon as the wonderful actor Stan Richards is well on the way to recovery. He told my spies: "I've told them I'd love to go back two days a week. I'm feeling a whole lot better now." Ah.

Keep this a secret but EastEnders bosses plan to lure Mike Reid back once again after he agreed to appear as Santa in the 'Enders variety special. My mole told me: "We've decided we can get him back if we set a spin-off storyline near his home in Spain. He has agreed but we have to finalise the payment details now..."

Corrie star Samia Ghadie has told my mole there's trouble looming for the likes of her character, Maria, and Tyrone. She said: "All I can say is that, while she's happy with Tyrone now, her head will be turned again. He's left broken-hearted...come on, it's soap - no-one can be happy for long!"

Jessie Wallace, EastEnders' Kat Slater, has just agreed her return to the soap in May. She told my source: "I think summer is a good time to return. I hope she patches it up with Alfie; I think they make a great team."

Did you know that the lovely dress designer Stella McCartney is a massive fan of Emmerdale? Why - she loves seeing her designs on screen! She told my mole: "Pasty Kensit wears all my stuff. I think she looks great and I get a real thrill out of seeing it on screen."

Big Brother's Nadia has had one big setback in her bid to a) become an actress and b) land a role in her favourite show EastEnders. TV bosses have given her a firm no, I hear. She told pals in Southampton, where she's in panto: "I'm gutted - I'm working towards that kind of role with the show." Oh dear.

Shane Ritchie getting itchy feet again? He told me backstage at the Royal Variety Show that hosting the classy event has made him realise he misses doing his stage shows. He revealed: "This time next year, I plan to have my own DVD out based on my stage act."